Saturday, January 28, 2012
Yesterday you started breathing completely on your own! Daddy went in in the morning and asked how your oxygen was, and when he walked into the room your wires were out! I couldn't stop crying! This was such a big step in your little life. I broke down today. I didn't just cry, but screamed. I just went into the bathroom, laid on the floor, and lost it. You had another bradychardia episode, so the not knowing of when they will stop just killed me at that moment. I wanna date. I wanna known when you will be home! But there's no way of knowing if you keep having those! So please, please stop. People say I'm thinking of myself, but it's hard not to hurt, especially since they upped your feedings on the breast to three times! Who's gonna watch my kids so I can feed you three times? Another reason I lost it. So incase it is me being selfish I'm sorry. I want you to get better more than anything, but it's just hard not having you here in my arms, or over in a crib when I just want to look at your sweet self. Especially since your getting to know who I am! It kills me thinking that you miss me :/ well I am going to call and check on your feeding! You've gained three oz today! The nurses couldn't believe it. You are now more than you were when you were born. You are five pounds nine oz.